Marry for Love

My mother always said I would marry for love, and it wouldn’t matter to me if he were the gardener or the street sweeper as long as he loved me. She was right. A little less than a year ago, I got married (not a gardener or street sweeper) and I married for love.

Most of us marry for love, or at least for some other reason of our choosing, perhaps money or status. All of that is acceptable as long as the marriage contract is mutually agreed upon by the two people forming a union. But not everyone in the world is allowed this kind of choice.

The unlucky are the ones like the 15-year-old UK citizen that went to Bangladesh at the beginning of the summer holidays for a family wedding but when she got there she was stripped of her passport and forced into marriage by the threat that her father would kill her mother if she did not. The 12-year-old Afghan girl forced to marry a 65-year-old man because he had money and status and if she refused she would bring shame on her family and be killed--just another honor killing statistic. The woman in Kazakhstan that was kidnapped and forced into marriage, raped by her husband and kept as a slave by his family. The 16-year-old girl from Ethiopia who fled to the UK with nothing but the clothes on her back because her father forced her to marry his brother's eldest son when all she wanted to do was be a teacher. And let's not forget the girl that set herself on fire in Turkey rather than enter into a forced marriage.

What is this murky world of forced marriages? Where do these practices take place? And why in the 21st century are we still reading about these tragedies in our newspapers and hearing about them on our televisions?

Forced marriage is a marriage that takes place in which one or both of the persons is married without his/her free consent or against his/her will. It is a problem that occurs mainly among young women and girls, although there are cases of young men and boys being forced to marry. It is a practice that, whilst less common among the wealthiest in the world, is most prevalent in South Asia, Africa and the Middle East. Due to immigration patterns, it is also practiced amongst these immigrant communities living in the USA, Canada, UK, and in EU countries. The practice also persists in the independent countries of the former Soviet Union such as Kyrgyzstan, Kazakhstan, Turkmenistan and Uzbekistan.

Forced marriage is a violation of human rights because it dehumanizes people by denying them their right to choose. It leads to discrimination and violence against women and girls, and often endangers their health and well-being. Closely related to forced marriage is the practice of child marriage, whereby a minor is deemed incapable of giving informed consent and so consent is given by an adult, sometimes under traditional and cultural duress and sometimes because of tradition and culture. 

Now that we know what it is, the next question should be: What has been done about it? 

Numerous international legal instruments as well as regional and national instruments condemn the practice of forced and early marriage and uphold the requirement for the free and informed consent of both parties to a marriage. The Protocol to the African Charter on Human and Peoples Rights on the Rights of Women in Africa calls on African countries to enact legislative measures guaranteeing that no marriage shall takes place without free and full consent. The Protocol also stipulates that the minimum age of marriage for women shall be 18 years. Similarly, the Council of Europe defines early marriage as the union of two persons, at least one of whom is under 18 years of age and recommends that 18 years be the minimum age for marriage, and that the Council consider criminalizing acts of forced marriage. The United Nations Convention on the Elimination of Discrimination Against Women (CEDAW) mandates free will and consent of both parties, the specification of a legal minimum age for marriage and that the marriage of a child has no legal effect.

In addition to laws, all the major world religions condemn forced and early marriage. The Catholic Church deems forced marriage as grounds for an annulment of the marriage, and according to Islamic doctrines, forced marriage violates the basic tenet of an Islamic marriage, which is the free and full consent of both parties to the marriage.

Despite these laws and the existing religious opposition, the practice of early and forced marriage continues. The main reason the practice persists is because of tradition and culture. And because tradition and culture has not evolved in terms of international human rights standards and norms, and are often inconsistent with the principles set forth in the Charter of the United Nations and in the Universal Declaration of Human Rights. Another reason is lack of education. These harmful practices, wherever they occur, in all settings, within or outside the family, continue in communities that are historically patriarchal and where the empowerment and education of women and girls are not a priority.

How can we change this harmful practice of forced marriage? We must stop invoking custom, tradition, or cultural considerations to avoid our human obligations with respect to the elimination of discrimination and we must refrain from using tradition and culture to justify violence or even to stand silent in the face of violence being committed. We must educate and empower women and girls and we must use our voices to speak up for those that can’t – the voiceless victims of forced marriage. 

Because at the end of the day, shouldn’t every parent want that which my mother wanted for me –to see their children marry for love?